How to Mend a Broken Friendship ?2

 When a friend hurts you, your instinct is to protect yourself. But that makes it harder to patch up problems, Timberland Shoes  explains William Wilmot, author of Relational Communication. "Most of us are relieved when differences are brought out in the open."

Apologize when you're wrong--even if you've also been wronged. No one should allow himself to be emotionally abused by anyone. But over the course of a friendship, even the best people make mistakes. "A relationship can grind to a standstill if the offender refuses to make the first move at reconciliation," Wilmot explains. "Under these circumstances, Football Shoes  it may be best if the wronged person takes the initiative and apologizes--for getting upset, for not understanding the friend's circumstances. When you apologize, give your friend the opportunity to admit that he'd screwed up."

Experts agree that one of the worst things you can do when you're upset is to start a fight. "We don't think clearly when we're arguing," says Michael Lang, a professional mediator in Pittsburgh. Instead, says Lang, ask: "What's going on? This doesn't make sense."

See things from your friend's point of view. Sociologist Rebecca Adams of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro and Rosemary Blieszner, Supra Shoes  professor of gerontology and family studies at the Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University in Blacksburg, interviewed 53 adults who each had many friendships lasting decades. "We were curious how these people managed to sustain strong friendships for so long," says Blieszner.

Tolerance is key, the researchers learned. The subjects also didn't let problems get blown out of proportion. "It's surprising how often a dispute results from a simple misunderstanding," adds psychotherapist Anne Frenkel.

Accept that friendships change. In the spring of 1996, adidas shoes Cindy Lawson, 34, of Chicago, and a close friend decided to co-host a friend's bridal shower. The two women agreed to share the work and the cost. Then the friend, an attorney, took a new, more demanding job. Total responsibility for the shower fell to Lawson.

On the Saturday of the shower, Lawson did all the party decorating, then prepared dinner for 35 guests. Her co-host did not arrive from her office until shortly before the event. Later her friend complained about the cost.

Lawson was furious. But deep down, she did not want to break off ties. The two women were in a book club together,  had many common friends and enjoyed dinners out together with their husbands. Instead, cheap adidas Lawson decided to remain friends--but not close friends.

"Friendships change as our needs and lifestyles change," Wilmot observes. "It's healthy to have a host of friends and to sometimes shift the status of one or another."

Making friends can sometimes seem easy, says Yager. The hard part is keeping the connections strong during the natural ups and downs that affect all relationships. Her suggestion: Consider friendship an honor and a gift, and worth the effort to treasure and nurture.